You said it first-we've drifted apart. In the 2 years since we've met, excluding about two months, we've never lived in the same area, yet at some points have seems inseparable. When you lived for a year in a time zone that was half a day ahead of mine, I remember times wen I would feel nothing else in the world was important as making sure I chatted with you online. About what, it didn't matter. And it's always been like that. We always joked about how others said we seemed to have a psychic connection. That's laughable now. You asked me yesterday what happened, why I was so mad. I'm mad because we had a psychic connection. So how can you possibly not know why I'm mad? And I'm not mad, not really. Frustrated, I guess. Sometimes I was mean to you; it didn't mean I cared any less, just that like an infant throwing a tantrum, unable to turn thoughts into sentences, I felt hopeless. I don't know when it happened, but I suddenly became unable to listen to you without getting extraordinarily frustrated. Sometimes for no reason. Mostly, because you couldn't read my mind. Which, I understand, is hypocritical, because we also have had conflicts over times with you DID read my mind. Because it's scary. I guess I just want it both ways.
But also, I feel I have valid explanations. I've just never known how to express them. Dealing with conflict of any sort is not something I ever learned. I don't want to hurt your feelings; how could I ever? That's just it though-I know when I might hurt someone's feelings. You, however, have this astounding ability to say exactly what is on your mind, without a thought in the world to whom you're speaking. Yet at the exact same moment, your brain and heart believe they are saying the most perfect thing in the world, because you're mastered the art of speaking with an air of unintentional, counterfeit emotion. I know you don't mean harm. But does that make it ok? Am I just too sensitive? I can't count how many times I have made a comment to you, indicating what you said was inappropriate, and what I hear in response is "I meant no offense", "I would never intentionally upset you". Why does it keep happening, then? And how can I possibly be the only person who has ever spoken up?
You recently made an innocuous comment to a large group of friends, and of course, it could easily be taken the wrong way. Should I have let it go? Maybe; it wasn't directed at me, but isn't saying nothing just as bad? A million thoughts went through my mind: he didn't mean it-he thought it was amusing-a lot of other people think so too-how could he have thought no one would be offended by this-that's not possible, that he thought no one would be offended-maybe he didn't care what others though-but that's not like him, he's a notorious over thinker-he'll say he never intended to hurt anyone. Of course, in the end, I did say something, and it hurt you like I knew it would. An eye for an eye? Feeling justified doesn't always make it right, I suppose. Sometimes, I just want to kick and scream at you. I can't ever imagine understanding how you can read my mind, tell me exactly what I'm thinking, and yet sometimes it's like there's a force field enabled that makes you lose all common sense. I love you for your quirks, but they drive me insane. Especially given the discussion topics, generally. I think it's fantastic that everyone has separate opinions. I find it intensely fascinating. And I know you do too. But where I am content to sit in the background, learning at my own will, and letting people be, you jump right in-you have discussion, you say what's on your mind, and you don't give a thought to your audience. I know you'll disagree with that, but it's true. If it weren't true, you wouldn't have said what you did. In a big way, I thank you, because you more than anyone in the world have forced me to see that people have opinions-and boy, do you have opinions. About everything. Which is great, and a burden. Because I inherently feel that some opinions, much like a great chocolate chip cookie recipe or sale on shoes, should be a secret. That's what makes opinions amazing. Anyone gets to have them. But sometimes sharing is hurtful. And sharing isn't an intrinsic right. I know that will hurt your feelings, but I don't know what else to say. You asked me.
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